Some days ago I was having a chat with my husband about “Purpose in Life” and what do we personally want to achieve in this life and how we see ourselves in 5 years, so we decided to do an exercise that my husband has been doing successfully over the last 10 years… Well, that didn’t really work well for me! I got very anxious and nervous, my typical sarcastic negative phrase was spelt out with no humility and thought of humbleness “Why do you ask me these hard questions??? I don’t know if I’ll be alive in the next 2 minutes, how am I supposed to know what I want?”
My husband looked at me sadly but with patience, he explained to me the purpose of the exercise. My mind didn’t want to think! With the most negativity thought and of course look on my face, I rejected him with all my strength. Hours later I thought about it with and decided to give it a try. With his help I understood the questions or better I decided to understand the questions and started to answer. It was hard! It was one of the hardest things I’ve done in the last months. “I’m facing depression I can’t think straight!” At the same time inside of me, I knew I was just making excuses to myself. If that wasn’t enough the next day I asked my husband why on his exercise he set goals so high for himself, I asked why did he do that to himself, that it was harmful to him to set goals so high and so hard to achieve because even Barack Obama would look at that and say “Gosh that’s too much!” I could feel in my husband’s voice that I’ve just broken him! I felt that at that moment that I’ve committed a big mistake. My insecurities attacked him!!! I felt horrible but my fears were fed so I calmed down! By his silence consequently, my mind full of fear gave itself the right to feel that my words were true and that gave me peace to sleep!
The next days I started to feel like the biggest idiot ever!!! “Common you didn’t say to your husband that even Barack Obama would find his vision for the next 5 years impossible to achieve?” My goodness, the guy became the President of the United States when he started his political career and wrote down his vision of life he must have written that and he saw himself becoming the most powerful man in the world!!! Would he have become the president if he had such a moron next to him like me?! Did Michelle Obama look at him and told him that’s too much common look at yourself? I felt so ashamed of myself! What did my fears and insecurities just made me do? What a horrible person have I become?!
Days passed by and I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversations and about the mistakes I’ve done! I reread my Husbands Vision exercise and saw that he is capable of achieving even more that! I read it after I meditated letting love enter my life instead of fear and understood that OMG the vision is so achievable that I can touch his plans as if they were materialized in shape of things in front of myself! I saw the love and humility my husband has towards life and felt small and again for just a few seconds, I asked myself if I’m on the merit of being his wife. I immediately concentrated to cut out the fears and again I let love enter instead of fear and my heart was fulfilled with love and pride for having the opportunity to live with this great man!
This post is to deeply apologize to my husband for stabbing him on the back and letting fear speak louder into our life.
Fear cannot be part of our life and I do deeply believe and trust that he can achieve anything he wants.
Fear is our biggest enemy and we must learn through love to overcome it.
Sorry, My Love.